Sweet Tucker

I'm tearing up just thinking about this, but want to share it since this blog is a means of recording life as it happens. My hope is that one day Tucker and Macy will enjoy reading about the everyday and monumental happenings of their lives, and it also enables me to look back upon these priceless moments.

On Thursday morning, I was explaining to Tucker that we needed to take Macy to the doctor because she wasn't feeling well. He sat down in the chair in Macy's room as I changed her, and he was being awfully quiet as I went about choosing an outfit for her to wear and packing the diaper bag. After I few minutes, I realized the he was curled up in the chair crying. He said, "Mama, I don't want baby sissy to go to Heaven."

How sad is it that my 3 year old believes that anyone who is sick is dying? It was then that I realized how careful we must be in talking about illness and death with him. Not that we haven't been sensitive regarding such topic, but he really has a fear of "people getting too sick to live on Earth" which is exactly what we've explained to him when someone goes to Heaven.
We have experienced a great deal of illness, injury, and death in our immediate family over the past year. Tucker and Macy have lost their aunt, great-grandpa, and dog. In addition, their papaw had a heart attack, Momo broke her ankle, and their great-grandma had extensive back surgery with a very extended hospital stay. We have a small family, and each and every person is such a big part of our lives. It saddens me to think of Tucker growing up with the fear of losing those close to him.

Losing Brinkley seemed to light the fire of Tucker's insecurity about death. Life without her is definitely different. There's no one to lick up all the crumbs and pieces of food that Macy throws on the floor. Good thing I have a hand vac. :) The other day I actually asked Tucker if it was okay for me to feed his uneaten sandwich to Brinkley. He just stared at me with a puzzled look...and that's when I realized my goof. We no longer worry about stepping on a pile of poo in the backyard, nor is there dog hair collecting on the floor as I write. There's no longer anyone scratching on the bed in the morning to be let outside. I no longer see that huge grin form across Macy's face as she points and says "daaaaa!" (dog) when she spots Brinkley. There's no more Ginky, therefore, I won't get to see Tucker hug and kiss her, or gently pat her on her head. Life is different without our Ginky dog.

Our dear neighbors Toby and Jennifer brought over a gallon of ice cream, Magic Shell, and whipped cream to help cheer us up after Brinkley passed away. Wasn't that so sweet? Later that evening Tucker was sitting in cousin Clay's lap at my parent's house. Tucker said to Clay, "Ginky went to Heaven. But it's okay because Toby and Jennifer and Alexandra brought us ice cream, and chocolate syrup, and whipped cream to make us feel better!" It was so cute. Thanks, Toby & Jennifer! We are truly blessed with the best next-door neighbors.

As we were saying our prayers the other night Tucker added, "And maybe if I'm a really good boy somebody will bring us another Ginky dog." We may have an energetic, crazy at times little boy, but Richard and I see firsthand that he has such a pure heart. Underneath all the rowdiness, he really is the sweetest.

My PRECIOUS little man.